All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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