oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
