I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
