His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How does it feel to date your dad?
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