So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
