He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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