ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
