I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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