apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize