Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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