I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
