i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
