And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
