You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
