The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
