I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
