she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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