dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
