Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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