MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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