My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So here I am, sexting at work.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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