we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
