well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize