I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
