People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
bring money and cleavage
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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