i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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