Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Congratulations! We have a period
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