Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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