so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
