Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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