Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i love accidental penises.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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