Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
