i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
