You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
