Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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