I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She bit a glass in half.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
