I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Are we still banned from the library?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
