I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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