The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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