I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
