I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
