I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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