All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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