i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
