You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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