He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
