Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
