So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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