fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
