i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
