wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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