nut hugger
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
