she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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