im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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