i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
