Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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