Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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