question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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