I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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