What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
