i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
