Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
