i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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