Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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