I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
