Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
