im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
