i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
