i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
