Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
