You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
