So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
